I was quieter than usual on social media and the blog in January and February. Partly because I know y’all were probably sick of me after my nonstop Holiday Gift Guide posting in December;). But also because shortly after the holidays we found out we were expecting and our normal day-to-day life came to a screeching halt.
Not only have I had morning sickness, but I’ve also had a few pregnancy issues that warranted “take it easy” and “stay off your feet as much as possible” orders from my doctor. So these past few months I’ve been doing as little as humanly possibleduring the week (with three children, that is!) and have spent most weekends in the bed while my husband sweetly took up the slack.
This is the surprising thing about me and pregnancy: most women see a pregnant lady and a wave of nostalgia, or even envy, runs through them. Not I. When I see an expecting mother, a sense of terror runs down my spine.
I know that probably sounds ridiculous, but I guess having a very complicated pregnancy can do that to a person. I spent six weeks on the antepartum floor of Baylor Hospital, a floor that is full of women who have had something go terribly wrong with their pregnancies. I know things I don’t want to know. . .
And while I did have a personal blog during that time, I could never really put into words the trauma I experienced those 15 weeks on bed rest. Truth be told, I still have occasional nightmares of dying on the operating table during my emergency C-section. (Sorry, I’m getting a little raw here!)
Now please don’t misunderstand. I have not been in a fit of worry these past few months. That experience seven years ago thankfully cured me of the nonstop worrying that plagued my brain and heart for years beforehand. (I think when you truly realize you don’t have control over things in this life, it is easy to let that pesky day-to-day worry go!).
I have actually had quiet peace about this pregnancy and have a bit of confidence because I had a normal pregnancy with my third child. Still, you can understand why we took my doctor’s recent recommendations to “take it easy” so seriously!
I go back to the doctor next week and hopefully will get a good report to start resuming normal activities. But you definitely won’t see me pushing the boundaries of pregnancy on my blog these next six months. (No 5Ks or SoulCycle through 39 weeks for me!) As much as I would like to be that kind of modern pregnant mama, I have learned I simply cannot – neither physically nor mentally. Let’s say this: I identify way more with the way pregnancy was treated in the times of Victoria. (Have y’all watched the PBS series? I loved it!).
Now having said all this, I am thrilled for this baby. Yes my excitement has been tempered due to past experiences, but that doesn’t mean my heart hasn’t tucked away this news with pure joy and expectation for a healthy baby.
Over the past few years my husband and I had often talked about how fun it would be to have a fourth child – you know, if money wasn’t an issue and everything else was smooth sailing in our lives. Ha!
But God’s plan doesn’t seem wait around for smooth sailing, does it? Knowing that God knew the desires of our heart and had a plan for this baby before she (or he!) was even formed is such a powerful feeling. (Again, the realization that we really don’t have as much control in our lives as we think!) I believed it with my first child, but I am blown away by that Scripture even more with this sweet fourth child. (I still can’t believe it as I type it…fourth child.)
On that note, I’ll end with a little “what to say” etiquette thought. Admittedly, I get a tad uncomfortable when people ask if this baby was a surprise. There’s certainly no harm in asking (and I think it’s okay to ask your close friend or sister) but I’m talking about people I don’t really know that well.
Personally, I just don’t think I would ask someone that question. Two reasons: First, it is a very personal question. You are basically asking someone about their use or non-use (or mis-use!) of birth control. And, second, I feel like if I answer that, yes, this baby was a surprise, then it comes across as if he or she is not as wanted as my other children. And that couldn’t be farther from the truth.
Perhaps I am being too sensitive in my pregnant state (tell me if I am!) but that question always just rubs me the wrong way. If the mom wants to divulge the answer, she will in her own way (as I did here!).
Okay, y’all, now I need some advice because I gave away all my maternity clothes and baby gear. If you’ve had a baby recently, tell me what’s new or what brands you have loved. I am definitely going minimalist for this baby: a) We don’t have room a lot of room and b) I just don’t want a lot of “stuff.”
So maternity and baby essentials you love? Tell me below!
Baby gifts c/o Hip Hip Hooray (Call to order)